"God was very close to me!" Some people talk about their experiences on a mountain hike, when everything up there becomes very quiet and wide and big, in the surrounding nature and in oneself as well.

People also experience this closeness of God in monasteries. "Here the essence of the divine has come very close to me again," writes one participant on days of silence in a monastery. Still others associate such an experience with the birth of a child. "When I held my daughter in my arms for the first time, everything was suddenly changed. Since then, I know that God really has to exist," says a young father.

Perhaps you have also had such experiences? It's not easy to talk about it. But perhaps we take a moment of silence to let the thoughts come: When was God very close to me? When did I feel close to God?

(2-3 minutes of silence)

There is also the other side. "The good Lord has forgotten me," says the old woman, who has been confined to her nursing bed for three years now and feels held between life and death. "If God exists, then at least not for me." This is something written in the guest book of a monastery church as well.

God is far away, the sky is empty and so is the heart. I feel very far from God, locked out of his presence. What is the point of such a sentence as "Being close to God is my happiness"? (Psalm 73) Is there only "bad luck" left for me? If we are courageous, we also take a little time of silence to pursue these thoughts: When was God completely far from me? When could or can I only but doubt?

(2-3 minutes of silence)

This is also part of our experience. God is not always to be felt. There is seemingly futile waiting. That is why there is this verse from the book of the prophet Jeremiah:

"Am I only a God who is near?",
says the Eternal, "am I not also
a God who is far off?"

Thank God: Living with God was never about an unbroken harmony, was never about an undoubted faith. Experiences of God's nearness and of God's distance have always been part of it, and are also part of it according to God's own Word! I believe that it says little about God's actual closeness whether we perceive Him as near or far.

A little later, Jeremiah says: "Am I not the One who fills heaven and earth?" So how could God in fact be distant?
I suspect that God is closer to the desperately suffering who feel nothing of His nearness than to one who enters a world of unclouded harmonies with spiritual exercises. Even if there is neither time nor energy for religious questions and the word "happiness" seems to be a word from another world. I believe that God's nearness or distance from us cannot really be measured. For instance, we know today from Mother Theresa that after intensive experiences in prayer, she suffered through many years of spiritual emptiness and exhaustion until her death. She stayed on the path without ever being able to feel Jesus or God. Could God really have been far from her?

God's closeness, when we feel it in fulfilled moments, gives us insight into the deep essence of all things and can strengthen us. The times when God seems far away challenge us to ask about our own path, to develop our own thoughts and to accept responsibility for this world. God's nearness and God's distance belong indissolubly together. It takes courage to allow the perceived distance from God. Because then we may have to separate ourselves from religious beliefs that have become too narrow.

But as in every relationship, sometimes distance is needed in the relationship with God. Only the distance makes you free to meet each other in a new way. And perhaps this encounter will then be even deeper and more appropriate to the current phase of life. Either way, God's walk with us, beyond distance and nearness, never ends. In this we may trust.

God, you invisible guardian of all our ways!
You are close to our soul, closer even than we often are to ourselves.
And you are also far away, the place of our unsolved questions, mystery behind this world.
Give us the questions and doubts that help us to move forward.
Help us to grow in trust and love, towards You.
We are yours, in the light and the darkness of our world.
Amen.

Sincerely yours in Christ,
Pastor Anja